Fun (and Sometimes Disturbing) Ways That People Have Found My Blog – Volume II

So it’s been a full year since my last search term roundup, during which time my hilarious friend Abby has published an enviable number of search term posts that put mine to shame, both in terms of frequency and quality of terms.  (“Trippy squirrels do Crossfit nude”?  “Unicorn erectile dysfunction and Scrabble porn”?  Seriously, who can compete with that?)

In that year, I have checked my trusty WordPress dashboard daily in the hopes of collecting some more gems like “I want to punch my baby” and “I have a lot of random rocks and boulders.”

I have largely been disappointed.  And I finally figured out why:

Shortly after compiling my first list, I installed an SEO plugin that allows me to put in targeted key words for each post I publish.  The result is that (to my great sadness) most of the search terms that lead people to my blog now are actually relevant.  You know, boring things I really do write about, like “quitting my job” and “following my dreams” (#FirstWorldProblems).

Boo, SEO.  Boo.  Not that I mind having the people who find my blog stick around because it’s probably something they’re actually looking for, but still.  I’d like to be a little more entertained, WordPress.  Keep the valid traffic coming; just throw in a few crazies here and there for fun.

At any rate, one year later, here is what I have managed to collect—broken down, as last year’s was, into categories based on level of disturbingness.  Enjoy!

 

Amusing Searches

“look at me, I’m a panda pretty, pretty dancing” [I am honored to be found through a reference to my all-time favorite commercial ever]

“hello how to get free money” [Perhaps the same searcher who provided last list’s “I need some free money hello.”  We could all use some free money, searcher.  I feel your pain.]

“ponytail sproingy things”

last post’s “everett bogue idiot” resulted in several additional “everett bogue idiot” searches, and then my new favorite: “everett bogue idiot? ok nincompoop” [Nice compromise, sir.]

“cordelia’s side sexy job” [Every job Cordelia does is a sexy job, thank you very much.]

“i feel nervous at sea”

“meh-ing through life”

“who would you like to do the dishes with?”

“why does Cordelia refuse to tell her fat” [Her fat what/who…?]

“hell to the no – meaning”

“guilty!” [Curious as to who performed this particular succinct search, and the back story behind it.]

“christmas tree cakes are back!” [Hell to the yes!  Love those things…]

“funny menus for dogs”

“Joel Runyon girlfriend” [I enjoyed working with him on the Impossible League, but our relationship is strictly platonic.  Sorry.]

“personal feelings on a polar bear”

“abstract, stubborn”

“i hate to break up the party, eeyore”

“the day pooh went crazy”

 

Mildly Disturbing Searches

“moving away from friends with crab” [With a pet crab, or because your friends have crabs?  The potentials here are what I find unsettling.]

“hard headed bitch”

“asses post”

 

Truly WTF? Searches

“arabicsextube” [Don’t want to know.  So don’t want to know…]

“disturbing ways to kill people”

 

Conclusion

While there still are some moderately amusing weirdos out there happening upon my blog through random searches, I want more.  I want to be able to pop into WordPress each morning and see something that delights and/or disturbs me.

So, I think I shall to start peppering my SEO keywords with random terms like “porcupine sex tapes” or “bacon murder dance party.”  Just to see if I can reel in a few more eccentric searchers.

Although I still won’t be able to hold a candle to Abby.  Because that girl writes about some seriously weird shit.  🙂

P.S.  Am I the only one who thinks “Bacon Murder Dance Party” would make for a killer band name?

Image: Flickr

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  • The thing is, I don’t really write about weird things! However, you drop in a squirrel or a pair of underwear once in awhile and you get all kinds of weirdos. Plus, I’m not hard core like you, so SEO isn’t something that I concern myself with. 😉 At any rate, it makes for an interesting post once in awhile!

    • It does indeed. Your search term posts always make me guffaw (usually while I’m at work.)

  • Hilarious! I never seem to get any ridiculous searches leading to my blog, although that may be because I never tried too hard to figure out the proper way to do SEO and most of my traffic is referral, not search (boo, me…I guess?!). What I do seem to get are people looking for the OPPOSITE of what I’m writing about. For instance, “debunking the Lond Island Medium” is a biggie for me, and I write pro-spirituality, so…guessing they didn’t get what they came for! Thanks for the laugh 🙂

    • Ha-ha! Maybe some people stumble on your site and have their point of view changed? Or maybe they just get really annoyed…lol.

  • I am actually going to a bacon party on Saturday night, but it’s more of a bacon appreciation party versus a bacon murder dance party. I think there is probably a significant difference.

    • bacon party?! That is amazing.

    • I would agree that a bacon murder dance party would be *significantly* different from a bacon appreciation party.

      I would also agree with Sarah’s comment, and add: How does one throw a bacon appreciation party? Please report on the details after you attend, as I am anxious to host one of my own now. 🙂

  • This is a great game! I must have missed last year’s edition… I think I have to do this on my blog. And I would totally be a bacon murder dance party groupie. In fact, maybe that’s my calling in life…

    • You totally should do a list of your own! I love seeing what weird hits other people get.

      The husband is currently working on forming a new band. I will direct him to these comments and vote he name it “Bacon Murder Dance Party.” 😀

  • Lyndawithay

    Really funny! But now I want to know what the SEO plugin was (so I can install it.)

    • It’s called “All in One SEO Pack.” It really seems to work. (Unfortunately.) 😛

  • Ahhh, yes. The trusty old panda hat has generated me much traffic. Solid marketing choice on my part. 😀

    And we have another BMDP fan! I’ve informed my husband that when he finally forms his new band, he will have to name it that. Let’s see if he does it!

  • Keisha Douglas

    Lol. I love the internet.

    • And all the weird people on it. 🙂