Fun (and Sometimes Disturbing) Ways That People Have Found My Blog

I thought I’d take a break from the usual routine to share with you all a running list I’ve been keeping since the advent of this blog.  It’s been one of my least expected (and most delightful) sources of amusement from running CCIQ.

Said list documents all the strange and sometimes disturbing search terms that have led people to my blog.

As any fellow blogger knows, reviewing these searches can be a fun way to kill time when you should be writing a post instead.  Not only is it entertaining to see the odd array of searches that somehow point people to you; it can also be amusing (-slash-disturbing) that people are even running some of these searches to begin with.

So, here for your reading pleasure, I’d like to share some of my favorites (with occasional commentary).  More to come the next time the list gets sizeable again.

Enjoy!

 

Amusing Searches

“why do brussel sprouts make me feel so good?”

[and the closely related] “brussel sprout mystery”

“what’s the deal with the panda hat giant?”

“medicine hat couponing”

“Cordelia needs a job”

“I need some free money hello”

“I’m not supposed to be normal” [hell yeah!]

“snooze button I will not give in to you”

“bipolar a little” [why yes, sir, I am!]

“what lies beneath the Vatican movie” [I see where this is coming from but find it amusing nonetheless]

“imaginary friend cheese hat”

“called it quits an hour ago. be careful”

“Everett Bogue idiot?”  [I’ve found his direction a little too existential for my tastes since he ended Far Beyond the Stars, but I wouldn’t go that far…]

“Cordelia’s mom” [your mom!]

“I’ve become a complete moron but”

“I mean all the awesome and cool kids are” […Are what?  Reading my blog, I presume…]

“I’m not telling you cos you will find it” [o.k., this so makes me want to know what “it” is (and where it is)]

“hem pants husband’ [yeah, husband!]

“I am not Cordelia”

 

Mildly Disturbing Searches

“Cordelia sucks” [hey!]

“dreams of being caught doing a crime”

“I want to paralyze myself?” [at least they put in the question mark?]

“I want to punch my sister”

“I want to punch my baby”

“why can’t I stop doing the middle finger”

“guess who I am (I just added you on FB)” [this one has a little too much of the stalker flavor about it for my liking]

 

Truly WTF? Searches

“I have a lot of random rocks and boulders” [good for you?]

“mobile home Cordelia”

“711 in Cordelia”

“Argentina vacation packages”

“why can false eyelashes be dangerous?”

“foster saps”

“Cordelia flood zone”

“Cordelia spanking Chelsea” [Chelsea, I am so very, very sorry for this one]

“ah shit you”

“mother overpants” [again, so curious to learn the story behind this one]

 

What About You?

O.k., so I already know that Abby’s search terms kick my ass a dozen ways to Wednesday (follow her on Facebook for occasional search term updates).  But for the rest of you bloggers, what have your favorite search term lead-ins been?

Or, if you’re one of the people who happened to find me through one of the searches above, feel free to explain yourself and/or let me know if my site provided any assistance to you with your needs.  (Seriously, “mother overpants” guy.  I am so talking to you.)

Image: Flickr

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  • Anonymous

    I haven’t had too many strange searches lead to views on my blog, though there was one, “dirt path”.

    I was quite amused, however, when someone searching on “Paul McGillion” viewed my blog entry where I’d posted a photo of me and Paul McGillion at Dragon*Con in my #NicheAmnesty entry. Woo hoo! Geeks of the world unite!

    • Isn’t it funny how random things we include in our blogs can wind up on Google searches?  The internet is a complex and intertwined little thing!

  • Sarah

    Aaaaahahaha. Love it! I honestly do not remember how I found you, but wanted to let you know how happy I am that I did, and I always look forward to seeing a new post from you in my inbox. It instantly makes me relax. The only other thing that could bring me that level of peace at my job would be a coma. So thank you!

    …still working on writing you a guest post! Trying to find a worthy topic.

    • Awww, thank you for the kind words.  They are so sweet and you just totally made my day!  (Incidentally, I think “as relaxing as a coma” would be an interesting tag line for the blog.)  😛

      I’d love to see a guest Quit from you!  No rush–it’s an ongoing feature.  Just shoot me an email when you get a topic in mind to make sure no one else has called dibs on it.

      So glad you’re reading!  🙂

  • Awesome!! I could spend hours analyzing the stats on my blog. My favourite it this: Jack Layton is a politician up here in Canada that recently ran for Prime Minister, and is the official leader of the opposition (i.e., his party came in second). Someone once found my blog by searching the phrase “Jack Layton’s gorgeous moustache.” Best ever. 

    • That IS pretty fantastic! You really have to wonder why someone running a search like that would see your blog and think, “huh, this might do the trick!”

  • Tracy

    My search terms have been pretty tame…except for the day someone found my blog with “how to get manage to f%(€ my mom with her permission.” Because as long as you have her permission, then it’s OK. So creepy. Since there’s nothing on my blog to help with that matter, and I haven’t gotten any other similar search terms, I’m hoping the worst is over!

    • Wow.  That *definitely* belongs under the “WTF” category!

  • Meg | One Love Meg

    This is hilarious! I have never thought of keeping track of that, but what a clever idea.

    • Do absolutely take a look at your search results! It’s a highly amusing pastime! 🙂

  • Cordelia’s Mom

    Someone searched “Cordelia’s mom” ?????  I feel soooooo special!

    • You’re welcome.  Fame by association.  😛

  • Holly Grande

    I am absolutely fascinated by some of the search terms people have used to find my site–most recently I got a ton of traffic because I wrote about My Little Pony: The Magic of Friendship. Definitely not my usual audience, but it is neat to see search engines work.

    • I should totally write a random post about something like bacon or wheelbarrows, just to see if it snags me any new readers!

  • Clare Bear

    “I need some free money hello” made me snicker out loud. I love it!

    • Yeah, I have to say that was one of my favorites, too.  I love the image of some desperate person sitting at their computer typing “hello!  hello???” at Google.  😀

  • Andrew Olson

    Oh wow, I laughed out loud at almost every one… Those were hilarious! I have some strange searches as well, but they don’t even compare with those 🙂

    • Yeah, apparently something inherent in the make-up of my blog attracts a whole lotta weirdos.  (But I love you guys anyway–ba-DUM-ching!)  😀

  • irene cortez

    This is soo hilarious!!!

    • I can’t tell you how much amusement I get out of search results on a daily basis.  Definitely doing another one of these summary posts once I’ve collected some more.  🙂

  • Matt Ramos

    Haha oh man this made me laugh. I was thinking about doing a post like this but you wrote about it in an awesome way! I think that some searches are hilarious.

    How did Ev B idiot make someone end up on your site? That’s hilarious.

    • You should totally do a post like this!  I love seeing other people’s weird searches.

      Yeah, the Ev Bogue one definitely made me scratch my head.  I know I’ve included some posts of his on my Link Loves, so maybe somewhere on my blog I also used the word “idiot”?  Again, pretty darn funny b/c I’m not a huge fan of his new direction, but I certainly wouldn’t call him an idiot for it!

  • Hey Cordelia, I just came across your blog via http://leapingoff.wordpress.com/ – so that wasn’t too unusual or scary! I like what you’re doing here 🙂

    • Not creepy at all–hooray!  🙂

      I’m glad you’re reading–welcome to the community!

  • You always make me feed good. Thanks for sharing this. I was really inspired from you.

  • Awww! The dog one just about broke my heart!

  • Yikes!  Definitely another entry into the WTF category!  (And a serious curiosity from me about what was going through that person’s head–or wait, maybe I don’t want to know…)  😛

  • Hahaha love it! Though I do have to point out that Medicine Hat is a town in Alberta, Canada so the person was probably looking for couponing in their town. Some of the weird/interesting search terms that people have used to find my blog are:
    -“is a beautiful woman more likely to be raped by a stranger?” (To which I have no idea)
    -“in spain they inject placenta to keep young” (O.o)
    -“nigerian traditional methods of making your bum bigger” (O.o O.o O.o)
    -“arabic sex tube” (This one I really, really, really don’t understand)
    -“how do i make up with her after sexual harassing her” (I think you should just leave her alone)

    • Yikes! Who knew that women’s issues would result in some pretty kinky SEO! What *are* you writing about over there, girl?? 😛

      p.s. LOVE the drawing/graphic for your header!

      • Haha, apparently. It’s probably because I use words like sexual harassment and other stuff like that. Though to be honest, my blog posts that are most popular and get searched the most are if celebrities get raped/molested and what happens if William and Kate are infertile. 
        And thanks! Believe it or not, it’s actually a default template for wordpress. Trying to save enough money to get my own domain and then my own design someday, but for now, I’ll just leave it what it is. 

  • Ahhhhhh,haha I’m having a horrible day and you made me laugh repeatedly!!!! Thanks so much.

    • So glad! I’m sad to say that since I installed a decent SEO keyword plugin, I no longer get these fun search results.

      Good for blog traffic, but I miss the amusement. 😛