Reader QUIT: Not Having Faith in Myself (by Julia Hristova)

[Cordelia note:  Today’s Reader Quit comes to us all the way from Bulgaria!  (How cool is that?)  Which makes it doubly impressive because not only is it a great Quit, but English isn’t even Julia’s first language!]

 

The Story

O.K. Here’s the thing: I’ve always been the quirky one, the one with ideas that are too big to see the outside world (meaning the one outside of my full-with-imagination head).  And one day, I decided that I’m finally going to do my best to realize my dreams.

I’ll do baby steps.  I’ll take action.  I will follow a concrete plan but still try to go with the flow, because you can’t plan life.  I will try to become a down to earth, practical person.

This is a far-out decision for me, because even though I can handle stress pretty well, I am a dreamy and soft person inside.  I have been my whole life.  So I’ve been striving for balance between being sensitive and being really down to earth.  And I’ve fulfilled most of my dreams:  I started exercising (martial arts and learning how to run—big fears of mine).  I started living a healthier life.  I moved into the apartment of my dreams.  I’m communicating freely with my father (a big fear for me after my parents divorced).  I’ve learned a lot of stuff from all this.  But here comes the hard part:

 

The Problem

I’ve achieved a lot so far, but I am full of fear and doubt for one of my biggest dreams: being my own boss and starting my own business.

I am very determined to achieve this, and yet I trip and I fall inside my own head.  I guess this is normal, but it’s quite unusual for me because I normally have great self-esteem and confidence in myself.  So right now I am doing this in little baby steps:  admitting (mostly to myself) that I am afraid, that I don’t know if I will make it, I don’t know if I’m good enough, if I deserve it, if my parents will approve of it, if I will be financially stable, or whatever.

But every time I decide to do something that is connected with my business, I panic and I put myself down.  I begin to procrastinate and do all the “don’ts” for when you’re starting out.  And I feel unworthy of accepting everything that the world provides for me.

 

The Quit

So my quit is that: I will stop listening to this chirpy voice in my head, I will stop doubting myself and thinking that those who are further down the road are better than me, and I will have faith.

Because today I realized something:  our mind has the tendency to believe we live in a non-negotiable “real” world where 2 plus 2 equals 4. But in the “real” reality (the reality you make for yourself), things are different.

In reality, you hold part of the equation that is unknown, unpredictable, and it listens to YOUR command.  So, 2 plus 2 plus God’s help equals 10 or a hundred or a few million.

I allowed myself to believe that because I don’t have skills yet, I don’t have experience, I don’t have enough money, that I won’t make it.  I also don’t know how I breathe, how I walk, how I talk, but I do these things every day, right?  Something is moving my feet and my mouth. This is amazing stuff.

Now I am allowing the miracle of God/Goddess/Universe/Subconscious to work in my life and to bring me everything I need to see my dreams come true. I will believe that everything is in its right place, and I will do what I can till I see them come true. I will make 2 plus 2 equal happiness for me, for my clients and for everyone that comes in touch with my life. I will have faith and patience.  Thank you for reading!

 

Julia Hristova is a professional dreamer.  Her passions are personal development, growth, awakening, shaking and touching the world, martial arts, healing with energy and gemstones, crunching fears and most of all living every second of her life with massive amounts of fun. She dreams of becoming a successful blogger, coach, healer, psychic, and business owner, and she is giving her all to make it happen.  You can follow her on Twitter at @Flauen.

 

 

 

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  • I just have to say that “crunching fears” is a fantastic phrase that I’ll have to use myself!  😀

  • This is really fantastic. I enjoyed this post. This is something I struggle with as well – trusting in myself and being able to achieve the things that I long for! It’s difficult to stay focused, but it’s so important! 😀 

  • James Shannon

    the equation isn’t 2+2=4 … more like A+B=C

    A= environmental constants you can’t change
    B= the inputs you CAN control and modify to your liking
    C= the end result in your life

    Excellent guest post, and best wishes to you moving forward … I’m more or less in the same shoes as you right now (big achiever in life, but scared shitless at starting an internet-based business)