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A lot of the people who have written a Quit for Cordelia are new to quitting something. Not me! Quitting is old hat for this gal.
As soon as things would get difficult, I’d quit. I’d quit relationships, friendships, jobs, video games… you name it!
And quitting when things are rough can almost be excused. Almost. But, the weird thing is, most of my quits happened when I was supposed to be happy — when I was at my most successful.
Quitting and the Art of Self-Sabotage
I never want to do better than the people I care about.
My father, an artist who desperately wanted to be a writer, tried for years to get a movie script sold. When I, as an older teen, nearly succeeded at doing that myself… I quit. I had interest in the screenplay I’d written, and I could have gone all the way with it, but I quit. I didn’t want to be more successful than my father.
And while I’ve always tried to surround myself with successful people so I would never have to limit myself, I still would. There’d always be something I’d find myself excelling at… and I’d feel terrible about it.
It was easier — more comfortable — to quit than it was to acknowledge what was making me feel terrible. Or to have to admit to someone I loved that I didn’t want to try because they weren’t. I didn’t want to make them feel bad.
It always felt “right” to take the burden of failure on myself — even if it was by my own doing — than it was to succeed.
The Biggest Quit of All
Last summer, I attempted suicide.
By all rights, I should have been extremely happy.
I had just landed one of the biggest jobs of my career. My blog was already starting to win awards.
I was well-respected in my field. I had family, friends and cats who loved me.
But I was freaking out.
So I tried to quit.
Yeah. I tried to quit life. That’s how big of a quitter I was.
At that point in my life, it felt like it would be more comfortable to be dead than to risk being happy and successful. (I know. I’m a bit of a crazypants sometimes.)
Fortunately, I didn’t die. (Nope. This post isn’t coming to you from the beyond!) I was able to get help for my mental issues. I’m now healthy and — dare I say it? — happy.
“I Quit! I Quit! I Quit!”
I’ve owned my own business for over five years — the very first of the things I didn’t quit.
I’ve been the Associate Editor and Community Manager for Be A Freelance Blogger for over two years.
I’ve quit self-harming myself and have been “clean” from cutting for over a year.
I’ve Quit quitting.
Do YOU need to quit quitting?
Lauren Tharp is the owner of LittleZotz Writing, a multiple award-winning blog. Lauren works as a freelance writer, helping small businesses bring their brands to life through written content. She also helps fellow writers get started as freelancers through blog posts, bi-monthly newsletters, free ebooks and one-on-one mentoring. Follow her on Twitter @littlezotzwrite.
Image: Johnny Hughes / Flickr
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