Some of the Awesomest Spam Comments Ever (Vol. 2)

I still miss the days of my search term roundups, and I still envy the hell out of Abby for her fantastic collections.

Sadly, my SEO plugin continues to do its job and lead people to my site largely via applicable phrases. (*Shakes tiny fist.*) Happily, I continue to be privy to something almost as good: horrendously wonderful spam comments that try to sneak into the various blogs I manage.

On a regular basis, I monitor the backend (that’s what she said) of several large blogs, which, due to their largeness, attract a decent number of spambots trying to sneak the most nonsensical of words and phrases into the comments section. Ads for products I can at least understand. But some of the stuff spammers try to get published? I must admit, the m.o. puzzles me, but I am also secretly delighted they keep trying. Because some of this shit is fantastic.

So, I’ve continued to diligently collect my faves as I go along, and I have ready for you another installment of…

 

Some of Awesomest Spam Comments Ever (Vol. 2)

*Bear in mind that none of these, even if they appear so on their own, have anything at all to do with the context of the posts they were actually responding to.

  • “I have read not one particular article in your blog. You are a massive lad” [I resent that, on several levels]
  • “Everything Amazon has, and more”
  • “I believe this internet site has some rattling good information for everyone”
  • “You communicate with a lot opinions, so much spirit, despite the fact that I sense that you have expressly hit the nail within the head. Effectively carried out!”
  • “woo!”
  • “The brain needs a continuous supply of blood. A lovely day.”
  • “Can you put me in the picture about the World Cup Football Match? We walk on the garden path. Speak louder.”
  • “We’ve got to do something about the neighbor’s dog! Don’t cry over spilt milk. Lying and stealing are immoral. Is it okay to smoke in the office? I love this game. No wonder you can’t sleep when you eat so much. No wonder you can’t sleep when you eat so much. He has a sense of humor. I’m not sure I can do it. I really think a little exercise would do you good.”
  • “That’s kind of…abrupt.”
  • “You’d better look before you leap. I see. 15 divided by 3 equals 5. Long ago, people believed that the world was flat. You’ve got a point there.”
  •  “Take me to the airport.” [No.]
  • “To tell the truth, I don’t like disco.” [Fair enough.]
  • “Does the computer ever make a mistake. He is a smart boy. How are things going? He hired a workman to repair the fence. She’s under the weather. I doubted whether the story is true.”
  • “Merely a smiling visitant here to express the love. Audacity, more audacity and always audacity.” *Winner of best comment this round, solely because I want “audacity, more audacity and always audacity” to be my new tagline.
  • “You sound like ur not gonna lie so I’m gonna do this.”
  • “There isn’t a person around who can hack my shit.” [Is that a challenge?]
  • “I ‘m totally down easy, being gigantic will not be enough connected with an attention getter now, make him or her red by using a yellow moose!!” [I would think this might be vaguely dirty if I could make any sense of it whatsoever]
  •  “You’ve been looking in my fridge!”
  • “I’m commenting to make you be aware of what a superb discovery my wife’s princess obtained going through your web site.”
  • “Heya i’m for the primary time here.”
  • “In the case of an earthquake hitting Las Vegas, be sure to go straight to the keno lounge. Nothing ever gets hit there.” [Ba-dum-ching!]
  • “I absolutely have a passion for vehicles.”
  • “Sitting back with my legs up watching Jersey Shore and eating a big bowl of Cap’n Crunch = Winning”
  • “noodles are my favorite thing to eat, any dish you’d recommend?” [All the noodles. There is not an un-delicious noodle.]
  • “Better stockpile while we can!!! Hail Victory”
  • “Hurahhh!”
  • “This does not mean, necessarily, letting down your guard and pouring your heart out about how much you love your grandmother.”
  • “Wassup! Darn, I’ve been looking for this! This is so frakin awesome and I’m glad I found it! I was about to pull my dad gum short hairs out. You put a lot of thought into making this out. I’m thrilled you handled the research, so I don’t got to. You are doggone awesome! I am not concerned with what them other ding-a-lings thought about you! You’re the best! Shalom…”*Honorary mention.
  • “Hi there , gentlemen ! Do now know what to do? Sick and tired of cafes ? We had to offer you to travel to Croatia. You will discover there some unique kind of entertainments. Beautiful women are here and you can make sure that we are right.” [Challenge accepted!]
  • “Never ever glower, regardless of whether you can be pathetic.”
  • “A large percentage of what you state is astonishingly legitimate.”

 

Image:  Keith Loh / Flickr

Never miss a post! Sign up here and get a free copy of Your Guide to Calling It Quits.

  • Abby Heugel

    Those are some good ones! You made me curious so I checked mine a minute ago and came up with “squirrel wearing hippie leg warmers” and “adult footie pajamas to wear to get waxes.” Right…

    • The squirrel in leg warmers sounds delightful, but I have to admit I’m perplexed by how the footie-pajamas-and-waxes combo would work. Bear in mind, I only have experience with adult footie pajamas, not waxes, but still I’m seeing some logistical issues there…

    • P.S. I do realize that the phrase “I only have experience with adult footie pajamas, not waxes” reveals exactly how sophisticated a lady I really am. 😛

  • Thank you for a very-badly-needed Monday Morning giggle/LOL-fest, Cordelia.
    Love ya!

    • You are welcome, as always. 🙂

  • Alexa Mason

    Freakin love it! While spam comments get on my nerves sometimes I find them to be hilarious. Seriously, who comes up with this stuff?

    • I wonder that every time. Someone, somewhere, is sitting down and actually developing this nonsense. It blows my mind.

      • What comes to mind when I read ’em: someone practicing their budding English skills… or testing a translation program?
        Why the web-wide spew, though? is another Thing That Makes Me Go “Hmmmmmm”.

  • Thanks for the Monday Laughs!!!! I’m off to check my own spam comments. Ha.

    • Let me know if you find any good ones!