Some of Awesomest Spam Comments Ever

I monitor several sites in my capacity as a freelance blogger, and while CCIQ’s random visitors have been less than hilarious of late, these other blogs have gotten some fantastic randomness…in the form of spam comments.

I’ve been collecting them as I page through the spam filters, knowing you would get as much joy out of them as I have, and the following is just a portion of the awesomeness I’ve been privy too.  I hope you enjoy them as I have.  I introduce to you…

 

Some of Awesomest Spam Comments Ever (Vol. I)

*Bear in mind that none of these, even if they appear so on their own, have anything at all to do with the context of the posts they were actually responding to.

  • “Anyone shopping for some afternoon outrage…”  [Why, maybe I am, sir!  How do I find this?]
  • “I have learned some just right stuff here.”
  • “Do they have a lane for fast individuals?”
  • “You are true witnesses for Christ.”
  • “Wonderful beat!  I wish to apprentice.”
  • “So what’s new using this type of imbecile!”
  • “Meth.  It can be a hell of a drug.”  [Amen.]
  • “You can definitely see your expertise in the paintings you write.”
  • “oh my goodness! a tremendous article dude.”
  • “yeah bookmarking this wasn’t a high risk decision.”  [Unlike the meth.]
  • “You are in reality a just webmaster.”
  • “I savor, cause I discovered just I used to be having a look for. God bless you man.”
  • “The contents existing at this site are incredibly remarkable for people knowledge, well, keep up the nice work fellows.”
  • “You are my breathing in.”  [Awww…!]
  • “hi!, I really like your writing so a lot! proportion we communicate more approximately your post on AOL? Having a look forward to look you.”  [Head.  Hurts.]
  • “Its like men and women aren’t involved until it is one thing to do with Woman Gaga!”  [Damn that Woman Gaga!]
  • “Are you looking for some data related to dentists?”
  • “I think this is good, strange, and appreciating.”
  • “Hello. And Bye.”
  • “It is no matter whether you get there early or late. Her tooth ached all night. May I use your pen? I do not care whether it rains or not. I just made it! Now she looks pale as if she were ill. Now she looks pale as if she were ill. He always talks big. I can’t follow you. Even a child can answer this question.”  *Ding, ding, ding!  Winner of best comment this round!
  • “Thats a good answer Jimbob but If you really want to become an internet.”
  • “This pen doesn’t write well. He usually drops in at my place on his way home. You did right. Betty and Susan are talking on the telephone. May I ask some questions? I would be very grateful for information about entry to your college. The price is reasonable .How should I tell him the bad news? It doesn’t make sense. It is clear that the cat has eaten it!”
  • “I think your site and twitter have been hacked by Tony Robbins.” [After the same person attempted to submit a dozen comments (also blocked by spam) authored by “Tony Robbins.”  Well played, my friend.  Well played.] *Second place, by a very slim margin.
  • “Lets see. No that is not a approved jockstrap, China wins.”
  • “Thanks for the laughs, Richard!”

 

Image:  Keith Loh / Flickr

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  • Terra O.

    You have me wishing that I didn’t delete all my spam comments! That, and I would pay to see Zach Galifianakis deliver these comments as performance art during his next SNL opening monologue…

    • I would pay to see that as well!

  • Tony Robbins

    I’ve always wondered what on earth is going inside the head of someone who writes something like the winner if the best comment o_O

    • Practicing their English… sorta! 🙂

      • It’s certainly more well-written than those who seem to be practicing their Thesaurus skills. (“hi!, I really like your writing so a lot! proportion we communicate
        more approximately your post on AOL? Having a look forward to look you.”) 😛

    • I appreciate their attempt at telling an intriguing story in their comment, even if that story is more fractured than Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. 😛

      Thanks, “Tony”!

  • THAT’s what happened to your bookmarks file:
    “Clearly, the cat has eaten it!”

    Love this – best ‘start my day right’ evah! Thanks…

    • I know, right? Going through spam filters is one of my favorite weekly to-dos.

  • “Lets see. No that is not a approved jockstrap, China wins.” made me laugh out loud! These are so funny!

    • Yeah, that one was definitely a close runner-up.

  • hahaha, I like the Tony Robbins one. I generally delete mine, but I had saved this one from a few weeks ago because it cracked me up:

    ‘What’s wrong with you?’ My father asked that crazed but somehow blank look in his eyes. On our recent family vacation he had grown a mustache. His hair was too long for a Republican.””

    • Oh, I so want to see where that autobiography goes. That sounds like a story that needs to be told more fully. 🙂

      • MMmmmm – anybody looking for “creative writing prompts”?

        A rich vein, here, if you collect them from other folks, too, …

        • Karen, that is a BRILLIANT idea! I can’t tell you the number of stories someone could come up with by imagining what sort of people would write these comments.

          (Kinda want to throw off the rest of my to-dos today so I can do that instead!) 😀

          • “…imagining what sort of people would write these comments….”

            That’s actually a whole-‘nuther-tangent – who the author is, and what’s their story?

            I was thinking of using the comments themselves to build a story off of: a “fictional first-person”, in this case.

            Have a great week my friend, playing with your spam!
            http://tinyurl.com/cc2urxw

  • For a long time I saved a similar funny spam type comment on my blog. Too bad I deleted it. These were fun!

    • So much fun…I’m kind of addicted to them now. 🙂

  • Search Marketer

    Those are good ones! Crappy but funny! Who don’t I get spams like these? “So what’s new using this type of imbecile!” This had me laughing thinking whichever post this was commented.