Embrace Whatever Makes You Happy (Even If It’s Totally Weird)

I wished I loved anything in the world as much as my current foster dog loves this one janky, busted-ass tennis ball.

Mocha has a plethora of toys at his disposal, including several he’s gutted in a spree of delightful destruction that have since been retired to the trash can. But I can’t trash this ball, because for some reason, in spite of its having lost nearly every trait that makes a tennis ball entertaining, it’s still his absolute favorite toy in the world.

At first, its appeal made sense: Mocha wants to play, Mocha gets the tennis ball and brings it to us, we throw the tennis ball into the hall, he retrieves it and the whole thing starts over again. Sometimes we throw it in one direction and it bounces into the bedroom. Sometimes we throw it in another and it caroms into the kitchen. Thrown at full speed, it can lead a dog that’s chasing it across pretty much the entire length of our tiny little house. Whether I’m working or watching TV with the husband, this game is something we can play with Mocha ad nauseam, which is merciful because Mocha has some serious bursts of energy and our two senior dogs are not down with being his roughhousing buddy.

But the tennis ball is no longer what it once was.

happy

In addition to its service as exercise tool, it’s also played the role of chew toy when we’re not available for fetch games, and as such it’s been slowly and methodically stripped of all of its fuzz in several mysterious grooming sessions. A few especially emphatic chomps split the ball straight down the middle about a week ago, so it now hangs open by one last, tenuous seam like a clam that’s been stepped on. When we throw it now — which Mocha still insists we do — the ball no longer bounces and caroms delightfully down the hall and into various rooms at a speed that invites happy chasing. It just kind of thunk-womp-womp-wobbles to a spot a few feet away and then lies there like a slug.

Mocha still dutifully runs after it, as much as he can in the few feet it’s rolled, then turns tail and brings it back to us so we can toss it again. When he gets tired, he lies down and continues to meticulously destroy it just a teensy bit more.

I totally don’t get it, but I don’t really need to. He gets it, and he clearly thinks it’s awesome, and that’s good enough for me. In this — as in so many things I won’t get into because I am a crazy dog lady and could talk about lessons our dogs teach us for forever — I believe there’s something we can learn from our four-legged friends.

 

In Defense of the Things That Make Us Happy Weirdos

Much like Mocha’s sorry-looking tennis ball, we all have things we love that other people are somewhat mystified by. But unlike Mocha’s unabashed enthusiasm for an object the rest of us see as questionable, we tend to keep our unusual loves a secret only we (and possibly a few close friends who already know what weirdos we really are) know about.

Whether it’s a love for an unconventional hobby, an un-hip band or a cheesy reality TV show, most of us try to keep our stranger passions to ourselves. If we indulge in them, we do it behind closed curtains and behind the facade of the more acceptable, cooler interests we present to the world at large.

But here’s the thing: everyone else in the world at large is secretly a weirdo, too. (Tweet!)

That super-poised colleague who intimidates you at work? She psyches herself up before big meetings by listening to Katy Perry’s “Roar” on her earbuds in a stall in the bathroom.

That hipster friend who sneers at anyone who has anything to do with mainstream culture? He has a secret collection of Walker, Texas Ranger DVDs — and he doesn’t watch them ironically.

That Crossfitting, Paleo-proselytizing sister of yours has had a secret addiction since she was a kid, one she still dips into when she’s had a particularly rough day: Cap’n-Crunch-and-Pixy-Stix sandwiches, smushed together just the way she saw Ally Sheedy do it on The Breakfast Club, where she first picked up the habit.

None of us is a 100% “normal” human being, because “normalcy” is a shadow term that means, at best, “what most people tend to do (as far as you can tell), which doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good or bad, just that most people tend to do it (as far as you can tell).”

So screw your secret shame over your oddball hobbies, habits, loves and fandoms. Screw feeling embarrassed about the things you think only you “get.” Because as long as you “get” them, then they are awesome, and that is all that really matters.

What weird things make YOU secretly happy?

(I’ll get it started: I love juggling sock balls while folding the laundry, dancing like a fool to any form of old skool hip hop, and sniffing the tops of my dogs’ heads the way normal people sniff babies’ heads (which, let’s be honest, isn’t any more “normal” than sniffing a dog).)

Image:  Pink Sherbet Photography / Flickr

The Inspirational Power of Prosaic Badassity

(This is a kickass guest post by Shanna Mann.)

 

I was really excited by the message of the now-defunct “Impossible League” (brainchild of Joel Runyon). Kicking the ass of the so-called impossible? Right on! Finally, a group of people who will really celebrate the hard stuff and what it means to overcome. That was until I realized that they had an unbelievably narrow view of what it meant to tackle the impossible.

To me, impossible isn’t just when you intentionally push your limits. However difficult that situation is, it’s fully in your control.

To me, the real impossible stuff comes when you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, or when you can’t succeed in the typical manner, whether that’s because of a disability, a disease, being neurodiverse, or just having a really complicated personal situation — that’s what I see as “impossible.”

This collective embracing of feats of physical fitness and stoic challenges represents an actual cultural bias in favor of the fit and healthy. As understandable as that bias is, it shouldn’t make people who don’t reach that standard feel like failures. If anything, it should be the opposite.

That’s why I’m such a fan of making your own job. You can mitigate your issues far better that way.

You see, the way the world is now, it expects certain things from people. A commute. Set hours (or perhaps shift work, which is worse). It requires ridiculous “workdays” that no human being could possibly be productive across the whole span of. It prevents and really kind of pooh-poohs the idea that you should be able to have good hot food, naps or breaks when you need them (not only when they are legally required).

It insists that you should have to save anything and everything personal until after hours, even things that would be more efficient to prod along with throughout the day, like laundry or exercise or walking the dog.

Basically, the modern job requires an automaton, and some of us can’t even fake it. Rather than do all that and fail, we choose to put ourselves into circumstances where it is possible to succeed. Whether it’s a chronic illness, lack of childcare, or some other reason, there’s no reason to play with a stacked deck if you can invent a new game that plays to your strengths.

 

Not “Hacking It” Is a GOOD Thing

I’ve always said that coping mechanisms hurt as often as they help, and this is why: Not being able to hold down a “real” job helps us.

It makes us find another way to keep a roof over our heads, even if we’re suffering from debilitating pain 6 days a week, even when our elderly mother needs full-time care.

Oh, it sucks shitballs, because you have to make things up as you go, but at least it forces you to take your life by the reins. The people who can squeeze themselves into the role their workplace and the economy demands of them are afraid to move for fear of losing the “security” they have. Those who have nothing to lose can afford to be bold.

 

Test Whether the Default Settings Work for You

There are loads of articles about how beneficial it is to be your own boss or to work from home. People rhapsodize about how cool it is to get paid while you’re in your pajamas. That’s fine and all, but that’s really the lowest common denominator when it comes to how being freed from the shackles of societal default settings.

Not many people talk about how you can really take unconventional actions to solve your problems. You can move to Florida to mitigate your SAD, to Ireland to reduce your allergies. You can cope with a rare sleep disorder because when you run your own business, it doesn’t matter if you gain two hours every day. You can earn a living without having to afford daycare. You can take your mother to all her doctor’s appointments — hell, you can go to your own.

I’m on the other side of that issue. One by one, I’ve adjusted the defaults until I’ve settled into a lifestyle that’s so supportive, all my various health problems are nearly asymptomatic.

Why? Because I can wake naturally without an alarm, nap whenever I feel the warning signs, take the day off if I feel ill, eat every 4 hours without fail, and exercise daily to keep my body from seizing up.

When I worked a traditional job, I would wake with a start multiple times in the middle of the night, worried I had slept through my alarm. I would rise in the middle of a sleep cycle and feel nauseated because of it. I would force myself to eat something anyway because I could never be sure when I would get a chance to eat again. I would drive 45 minutes to work, where I would stay pepped up on coffee, B vitamins and Red Bull, and I would take Advil, Robaxacet, and a glass of rum every night so I could unwind and get to sleep without my body aching too much. I coped, but barely. I was still in the stage of trying to prove I could hack it.

What woke me up was someone asking me where I saw myself in 10 years. I said, “Not working this hard.” But when I looked into the future, I couldn’t see any way how what I was doing would lead to a better life.

 

Just Being Brave and Strong Is Not Enough

There tends to be this concept that if things are tough, we should stick it out. We should persevere. But it’s not as simple as that. When we struggle, we should struggle for a purpose. I damn near killed myself trying to prove I was tough, and let me tell you, I now have pretty strict standards about what is worth struggling for.

I am sufficiently convinced that I am not a malingerer. I guess I’ve paid my badass dues. My husband has rheumatoid arthritis and never missed a day of work, even on his surgery days. He’s convinced of his own toughness.

When people talk about their badassity, about the impossible things they’ve done, they never talk about the fact that they get through life on 15 spoons a day. They never talk about how they manage their business by working only when their kids are sleeping (except for years after the fact when they’re being interviewed by Forbes.)

They don’t talk about the second job they work, or how they keep it together in front of clients when their spouse is undergoing cancer treatments. WTF? This is the stuff of heroism. Not cold showers and running triathlons. (Tweet!Those are acceptable training, but the people in my examples are already in the pros.

Fitness and training goals are easy. Not in the sense that you can just snap your fingers and they’re accomplished, but in the sense that there’s a concrete measurability to them; there are simple templates to follow, and there’s a warm camaraderie with all the rest of the crazy people out risking an ankle with you. I have loads more respect for the way that Joel Runyon built a movement around the Impossible League than I am that he ran a marathon and takes cold showers every day.

I don’t have any grand lesson to share with you. If you’re in this situation, you’re already doing everything you can. You might not be doing everything right (because who can tell what that is?), but you’re the man on the ground, and no one can gainsay that. This sparse little poem sums up my feelings on the matter precisely:

I used to admire

Men who sailed the unknown seas or climbed dangerous mountains,

Who flew planes in the Yukon or parachuted for fun,

Men who built their own house and planted with their own hands,

Giants who built shopping centers and skyscrapers 100 stories high.

I used to admire

Priests who missionaried in China and scientists who discovered cures,

Industrialists who built empires, celebrities who made a mark.

Now I’m glad I’ve lived long enough to do some of the things

I used to admire.

Lately I only admire people

Who do what they have to do.

~James Kavanaugh (1928-2009)

 

Professional Badass: 24/7

If you’re already in the pros, own that shit. Don’t treat it like you’re secretly failing because you can’t “live up” to the default. You’re not failing; you’re winning against the odds. You’re taking your own destiny in your hands, and you are fucking crushing it.

If you’ve never been able to talk about your triumphs for fear they’ll sound like whining, tell us in the comments, and we’ll cheer you for the impossibility-crusher you are.

 

Shanna MannShanna Mann is a business coach for freelancers and solopreneurs. She’s not the “$100K in 90 Days or Less” type of business coach, or the “How Can I Get Paid for My Passion?” type — she’s the “How can I pursue excellence, both personally and through my business, and how can I secure my gains so that my family doesn’t suffer the stress and uncertainty of the risks I chose?” type of business coach. If that sounds like your cri de coeur, visit shannamann.com and sign up for the free business management guide Be The Boss.

 

 Image: Atos / Flickr

Are You Chaining Your Elephant?

I bet you don’t know how elephants are trained.

I didn’t, until I read the method in a book recently and was floored. Here’s how it works:

A baby elephant is placed on a chain that is staked to the ground. The chain is substantial, and although baby elephants are not small by any means, they’re also not quite mammoth enough to pull a big chain from the ground.

So, every time the baby elephant tries to roam, or wander, or (more proactively) break the hell free from its restraints, it can’t. It’s stuck. And after enough times of trying and trying and getting nowhere, eventually the little trooper gives up and realizes he’s beat. That chain ain’t lettin’ him get anywhere. So he stops trying.

Fair enough. Seems like a logical conclusion.

But here’s the kicker: When that little pachyderm grows up into a big, hulking, people-crushing adult, it still thinks the chain is stronger than it is.

At this point, it could very easily take an angry running start and yank that puppy clean out of the ground, setting itself free and trampling any trainers, circus-goers or other smaller mammals that try to get in its path.

Just a yank or two. And it’s free.

But it doesn’t even try, because it’s learned that being chained means being trapped. Never mind the size of the chain. It doesn’t even try to break free, because in its (admittedly not mammoth-sized) mind, “chain = stuck.”

If it tried? It would pleasantly surprised.

But it doesn’t. And it won’t. Because elephants, as they say, never forget.

 

You Are Not an Elephant

This whole training process seems ludicrous, right? (And more than a little sad?)

I mean, this big, wild, super-strong animal is held captive by a tiny little chain simply because it’s been trained to believe the chain is stronger than it is. It’s the equivalent of you being fixed to one spot in your yard by a rope of Silly String, because someone when you were 5 once told you, “That thing will hold you in place, no matter what.”

Except, it’s not so ludicrous.

Because every day, we’re held in place by equally flimsy chains, courtesy of negative training much like our floppy-eared friends.

We don’t bother trying for that dream or that position or that gorgeous guy or girl, because we know we’re not good enough. We’ve been told so. We’ve failed before. Failure seems to be our thing, so why bother?

We’re glued to our miserable cubes for 40 hour a week because we don’t see anyone else trying to break free, so we assume it can’t be done. There must be no other options. This is just The Way Things Are. We learn to deal because that’s what good, well-adjusted grownups appear to do.

We let ourselves be bound and limited by fears, anxieties, insecurities, anger we’ve been holding onto all our lives, because they’ve become internal narratives we don’t even realize we’re telling ourselves. Like subliminal messages, they influence us without our even realizing it, and we never think to fight back because we don’t realize there’s anything to fight against.

The trainers have got us.

Whether it’s our own inner hang-ups, cultural expectations or bad things that have happened in the past, we tend to operate in the same tiny little patch of life, never imagining it’s possible to move further, let alone that we have it in us to do so.

But we do. More than we may realize.

 

 Break Free

We have in us the potential for infinite progression.

When we were little, we were wise to this. We knew we could become astronauts, or doctors, or prima ballerinas because we saw the world for what it was: a playground of possibilities just waiting for us to start experimenting with our options.

So we experimented. We tried a million different things and learned about ourselves and didn’t let grownup silliness limit us because the adults were still letting us have our fun before “reality” hit.

But as we got older, we got the chain training. We learned the parameters of what could and could not be done– what was acceptable, what was expected, how to operate within the confines of the world as it had been parceled and boundaried out for us.

We learned to fit in — to boxes, to predefined expectations, to our own biases about our faults and weaknesses, to what “the average person” did in “the real world.”

Except the real world has always been much bigger than we’ll ever be able to explore, and none of us is as small as we’re led to believe “the average person” is. We just stop seeing that after enough training to respect the chain, no questions please.

 

Well, Fuck That. Fuck It Hard

You are a mammoth, people-crushing ball of possibilities, and you have the power to roam wheresoever the hell you choose in this great adventure called life.

Are you really going to keep puttering around your same little circle, thanking life for the peanuts it throws you while you’re one good lunge away from infinite possibilities?

I don’t think you should. Because you know the secret now. You know the chain has no power except the power you give it in your mind.  (Tweet, tweet!)

And once you know that? It’s awful hard to keep respecting the chain.

What’s keeping you bound to the same tiny circles? What can you do to break free?

 

Image:  Flickr

How to Quit (Tips & Tactics)

This is an excerpt from my ebook, Your Guide to Calling It Quits (because there are better things to do with your life).  To read more, get your free copy here.

 

So far in this miniseries, we’ve discussed why you should quit things and how to decide which things to quit.  Now we get down to the nitty gritty details—how the frack you’re actually supposed to quit something.

Unfortunately, there’s no 12-step program for quitting of the sort we’re talking about.  Maybe one day I’ll develop one and sell it for a reasonable price, along with custom coaching sessions.  (Interest…?  Anyone…?) 🙂

Depending on what you’ve chosen to get rid of, what your life currently looks like, and your own strengths and weaknesses, it’s really up to you to decide the best way to accomplish your quit.  It’s a process of experimentation.

 

Each Quit Has Its Own Unique Challenges and Issues

But as you learn to take control of your life and happiness, the overall process of quitting will become easier and more instinctual. You’ll get used to the initial discomfort of changing something, and you’ll start to learn the tactics that work best to keep yourself on target.

Maybe you operate best on a reward system—for every $50 you put towards your savings goal, you give yourself an inexpensive treat, like a cupcake from your favorite bakery.  (Mmmm, cupcakes…)

Or maybe you’re the sort that likes lists and progress charts and inspirational Post-It notes on your bathroom mirror.  Then Post-It it up, baby!

When I quit eating like crap, I made specific guidelines for myself: smaller portions, more fresh veggies, fewer carbs (my personal kryptonite).  But when I quit being a TV addict, it was more a matter of going cold turkey and then keeping an eye on myself each day to make sure I didn’t backslide.

Each quit is different, and each person quits differently.  You’ll learn what works best for you and figure out what each specific challenge needs.

That said, it would be pretty unfair of me to say “Go ahead, start your quitting!” without giving you any idea of what to expect.  So, here are some basic things to keep in mind as you go about your quits:

 

Tips & Tactics

 

1. Have Something You’re Quitting For

This is by far the most important thing—Quitting 101.  You need a positive, motivating reason for your quit—and you’ve gotta really mean it.

Just focusing on how much you hate the thing you’re quitting creates a bad mojo that contradicts the whole purpose of quitting in the first place.  It’s to make things better, remember?  So, what are you making things better for?

Why do you want to quit spending so much money?  To save up for a dream vacation?  To build your kids’ college fund?  To pay down your debt so you can quit your office job and become a skydiving performance artist like you’ve always dreamt of being?  Keep the positive visuals at the ready.  Call them up whenever you’re facing that fantastic sale that’s just too good to pass up, even though you don’t really need any of the things being sold.

Why do you want to quit being a couch potato?  To fit into those old jeans again?  To have more time to focus on that grand novel you’ve always wanted to write?  To spend more time with your family?

Remember that you’re striving for something, not fighting against something.  Striving makes you feel energized, optimistic, and fulfilled.  Fighting makes you feel tired, resentful, and grumpy. Guess which mindset is more effective?

Keep it positive.  This is a good thing you’re doing.  You’re clearing room for all sorts of fantastic stuff to come tumbling into your life.  Hooray!  (Or “Huzzah!”, if you prefer.)

 

2. Take It Slow

Trying to change everything all at once pretty much guarantees failure.  We have finite reserves of self-discipline and energy, and multitasking your quits only makes each one harder.  Imagine quitting caffeine, sleeping in, and negative thinking all at once—you’re not setting yourself up for much success with that combo.  Try a quit or two at a time, and wait until you feel you’ve really mastered one before moving onto the next one.

 

3. Understand (and Accept) the Trade-Offs

If you want to quit your job to start a business of your own, are you prepared for the hard work and financial uncertainty that come with that decision?  If you’re planning to give up meat, are you prepared for the ribbing (I swear I did not mean that as a pun) you’ll get from your carnivorous friends, the difficulty you’ll face at family BBQs, the extra thought you’ll have to put into making sure you get the nutrition you need?

Be honest with yourself about what it will take to make your quit happen.  If you’re not clear on what you’re up against, or you don’t fully believe the tradeoffs are worth it, you may not be ready—or the quit may not be for you.

 

4. Develop a Game Plan

If you’re quitting unhealthy snacking, and you know your office always has a box of delicious, calorie-packed donuts in the break room, arm yourself by stocking your desk full of healthy but yummy alternatives like nuts and fruit.  If you want to stop racking up so much debt, take your credit cards out of your wallet, or cut them up altogether.

Set yourself up for success.  By preparing yourself mentally for the challenges you’ll be facing, developing a concrete strategy for dealing with them, and resolving to implement that strategy every time a challenge comes at you, you’ll make it much easier for yourself to stay on track.  Think ahead.  Be prepared.

 

5. Come Up with Positive Replacements

It’s easier to quit something—especially something that’s been an ingrained habit for a while—it you have a positive substitute to take its place.  If you want to quit stress eating, line up alternate coping methods you can turn to when you start to feel stressed (massage, meditation, exercise, etc.).  Having something to take the place of the thing you’re removing from your life—especially a replacement that makes you feel good—is a great way to ensure your quit sticks and you get the most happiness for your efforts.

 

6. Set Definite Limits and Guidelines

Are you quitting TV altogether, or allowing yourself a few favorite shows?  How many hours a day is o.k.? Nebulous quits are hard to pursue.  Setting specific rules for yourself (when applicable) makes it much easier to keep yourself on track and also to recognize when you’re starting to slip.

 

7. Don’t Allow Yourself Exceptions

Any smoker who’s tried quitting knows how tempting it is to think, “I’ll just have this one cigarette.  It’s been a ridiculously long day.  It’s only one.  It won’t hurt.”  But one excuse can lead to another, and suddenly a month’s worth of progress is set back to zero by one “harmless” little exception.  Make it easier by being strict with yourself.  Every time you make the right choice, it gets easier to make another right choice.

 

8. Enlist Support

Tell your spouse, your friends, your family—anyone you feel would understand and can hold you accountable—what you’re quitting and why.  (Definitely tell them if the decision directly affects them, like if you’re the family cook and you’ve decided to give up meat.)

I can’t say enough for accountability; part of the reason I started a blog was so other people would know what I was up to and I’d feel more compelled to stick with it.  And the like-minded people I’ve met as a result have made my quits stronger and my life better in more ways than I can say.  They encourage me. They make me feel like I’m not alone.  When I do slip up, they help cheerlead me back on track again.

If you don’t have anyone you feel comfortable sharing your quit with, shoot me an e-mail at kelly@cordeliacallsitquits.com.  I’d love to be on your support team!

 

9. Envision the Results

Picture yourself having already quit.  How will things be better?  How will you feel?  How freakin’ awesome will it be?  Hold onto that image as you pursue your quit.  It’s the reason it’s all worth it—even if you feel discouraged today, even if you’ve had a long week, even if you’ve been really good so far and think you deserve a break.

You can also try the reverse tack and picture what life was like before you decided to quit—then picture yourself going back to that.  You decided to give this up for a reason. Recalling how unhappy it made you can also help motivate you to keep going.

 

10. Go Gradually

 Sometimes you need to ease into change.  It’s a lot easier to quit smoking if at first you only give up smoking in your car on the way to work…then on your coffee break…then you try to go the whole morning without a cigarette…compared to trying to give it all up in one fell swoop.

There’s nothing wrong with taking baby steps, especially if it means you’re more likely to succeed.  Build up your discipline victory by victory, then up the stakes when you think you’re ready for it.

 

11. Take It Day by Day (or Minute by Minute, If Necessary)

Let’s say you’re trying to quit being so negative all the time.  If you think about having to be Susie Sunshine 24/7—in spite of all the traffic jams, annoying coworkers, and last-minute deadlines you know you’ll face in an average day—you will psyche yourself out.

Any change can seem impossible (or at least hella intimidating) when you picture sustaining it indefinitely.  Instead, take it one traffic jam or deadline crisis at a time.  Change is built in increments, and it takes time.  Do what you can, as you’re required to do it, and the momentum will start to build.  Don’t waste your energy on future worry or stress. Just deal with what’s in front of you.

Remember what I said about people having finite reserves of self-discipline and energy?  The upside to that is that those reserves are renewed each day.  So just focus on getting through today.  Then get through tomorrow.  That’s all you can do, anyway.

 

12. Go Easy on Yourself

Whether you’re quitting something big or small, there’s a fairly decent chance (being human and all) that you’ll mess up at some point.  You’ll have a moment of weakness, you’ll make one of those exceptions you weren’t supposed to make, and you’ll feel pretty darn awful about it.

But here’s the important bit: Failing once (or even a dozen times) doesn’t have to be a step backwards or a sign that it’s over.  Get back up, dust yourself off, and keep pressing on.  It happens.  You’re not a horrible person, and you’re not hopeless because you screwed up.  What matters isn’t that you made a mistake; it’s what you do afterwards.

 

13. Ignore the Haters

The world, unfortunately, likes people who go with the flow and don’t try to be all striving and noble.  This is mainly because people who do that make the rest of the non-striving people look bad.  But whatever anyone else thinks of you is irrelevant.  They’re not living your life; you are.

It takes real insight, dedication, and guts to be a quitter—to take responsibility for your own life and happiness and dare to make things better.  Don’t let anyone’s jealousy or small-mindedness belittle that goal.  You’re rocking your life.  They only wish they were.

So, whaddya say?  Who’s ready to start doing some quitting?

 

Image:  Josh Puetz / Flickr

When You Should Quit Something

This is an excerpt from my ebook, Your Guide to Calling It Quits (because there are better things to do with your life).  To read more, get your free copy here.

 

So, you’re all jazzed up to quit something. (Hopefully—did you read last week’s post?)  🙂

But where do you start?  How do you know which things really ought to be quit, and which you’re tempted to give up on for the wrong reasons?

This is where the whole “living intentionally” thing really starts rolling.  Because you can’t recognize what needs to go unless you have a good grip on who you are, what makes you happy, and where you want your life to be heading.

You don’t have to “have it all figured out.”  In fact, if you already do, you don’t really need to be reading this.  What you should do instead is send me an e-mail with your secret formula for success, because I’d love to know it.  (Maybe we can go halfsies on an inspirational lecture tour?)

All you really need is simply to listen to yourself.  Secretly, way down deep in places you may not have examined for a while, you already know the answers to these questions.  You know when you’re not happy (even if you’re doing something you think you’re “supposed” to be doing).  You know what really matters to you (even if other people think it’s silly or a waste of time).  You know what you’d really like to be doing with your life (even if it’s not “lucrative” or “impressive” or the same thing the Joneses are up to).

You know what will make you happy.  You’ve just gotten off track.

The simple answer, in other words, is that you’ll know in your gut when something needs to be quit.  Chances are, as you’ve been reading this, you’ve already thought up half a dozen things you’d like to take an ax to.

But, to make it a little easier for you, here’s a quick list of…

 

Some Major, Red Flag Signs It Might Be Time to Quit Something

  • When you’re not getting anything from it.
  • When you’re getting negative things from it.
  • When you’re doing it only because you think you’re supposed to.
  • When you’re doing it only because everyone else is doing it.
  • When you’re doing it to make someone like you.
  • When you’re doing it to avoid someone disliking you.
  • When you’re not sure why you’re doing it.
  • When you always dread doing it.
  • When it used to be important to you, but it no longer is.
  • When you don’t like who you are when you’re doing it.
  • When it doesn’t feel “right.”
  • When you’ve secretly wished you could quit it for a while now.
  • When it’s wasting precious time/energy/money you’d be better off spending elsewhere.

Those aren’t all the indications, but they’re some of the big ones.  As you went down that list, did any ideas start prodding at the back of your mind?

Sometimes the things that need to be quit are screamingly obvious.  Sometimes you’ve been wanting to pitch them for a while.  And sometimes they just hit you, in a head-smacking moment of “What the hell have I been doing?”  But we all have something—plenty of somethings, actually—that we’d be better off without.

The first step is to identify them.

 

Bear In Mind…

…there are no “silly” quits, and there are no “impossible” quits.  Nothing is too little, too big, too simple, or too ambitious.  This is your life, and you’re deciding how you want to live it.  It’s your call what stays and what goes.

If it’s important to you, then it’s worthwhile.

I myself have quit everything from compulsive e-mail checking to resenting circumstances I can’t change.  I like a nice mix of simple, everyday habits (“mini” quits) and larger goals and attitudes (“mega” quits).  (You can check out the ever-growing list of things I (and my readers) have quit here.)

But it’s totally up to you.  Like I said, it’s your life, and only you know what you need and don’t need in it.

Got an idea in mind?  Then click on over here to see what you can do about it.

 

Image:  Kate Haskell / Flickr

The Positivity of Quitting

This is an excerpt from my ebook, Your Guide to Calling It Quits (because there are better things to do with your life).  To read more, get your free copy here.

 

“Quitters never prosper.” ~common saying

“Winners never quit and quitters never win.” ~Vince Lombardi

“Homey don’t quit.” ~Chubby Checker

*      *     *

“He that will enjoy the brightness of the sunshine must quit the coolness of the shade.” ~Samuel Johnson

“The first thing you ought to do when you find yourself in a hole is quit digging.”  ~Bill Clinton

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.  Then quit.  There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.” ~W.C. Fields

           

Quitting sometimes gets a bad rap.  And sometimes it should.  So I want to make sure we’re on the same page as to what sort of quitting we’re talking about.

The first set of quotes refers to the bad variety of quitting: giving up on something because it’s too hard, because you don’t succeed right away, because you’re afraid.  When it comes to this kind of quitting, Homey shouldn’t play that.  Life takes a certain amount of perseverance and stick-to-it-ive-ness.  The important things aren’t always easy.

 

But There Are Some Things That Don’t Deserve Your Perseverance

Take a look at the second set of quotes.  They refer to quitting of a different kind. Getting rid of an attitude that isn’t working to make room for something healthier.  Stopping a bad habit or ending a relationship that’s only weighing you down.  Letting go of responsibilities that are no longer worth your time.  In these cases, quitting can be your best strategy.

We let our lives get all cluttered up with things that shouldn’t be in them.  Bad friendships that make us feel horrible.  Obligations we take on for the wrong reasons.  Negative habits and attitudes that wear us down.  It leaves us stressed out, burnt out, resentful, and with little time or energy left to focus on the things that really matter to us.

And it’s high time we got fed up enough to start doing something about that.

 

There Is Power in Saying “No” to the Things You Don’t Need in Your Life

It lets you clear out room for the things you do.  Quitting, of the kind we’re talking about, is empowering.

It’s about freeing yourself.

It’s about regaining control.

It’s about embracing what really makes you happy and saying to the universe, “This is how I want my life to be, and I won’t accept anything less.”

It’s about taking control of, and responsibility for, your life and your happiness.

You game for that?

Image:  Shanon Wise / Flickr